Note: This post is not really a movie review of the movie To All The Boys I Loved Before. This is more like a realization of mine after watching that movie. There would be minor spoilers but I think it won’t affect you if you haven’t watched the movie yet. So here it goes…
I can’t still
move on on how similar I am with the main character of this story. The
moment she was introduced at the beginning told me that I am like her in
different ways. One is that she looks like an Asian like me, but that’s
not really what I am talking about.
Her room is similar to my room —
although it’s not really just me sleeping there. But if you will look
at my room, all you can see is mess. Dirty dress, clean clothes, dress
that are too dirty to place inside the drawer but too clean to be placed
with dirty clothes. You know what I mean?
She also loves writing
love letters! Although in my case, it’s not really a letter with address
on it. It’s more of a poem for every guy I like from high school up
until the present. Does that sound too cheesy? Or is it super corny? Oh
well, I want to do it, though.
Another thing is that, her reason for
not yet having boyfriend is that she’s scared. Am I scared, too? I don’t
really know at first. I thought that I’m not just ready yet. Maybe I
just want to be free a little longer before finding that guy for me. But
when I heard what Peter said to Lara Jean, I was tongue-tied. There are
so many thoughts that flooded my mind that I had to repeat the next
scenes because I was pre-occupied.
Am I scared? Am I scared to love
someone like Lara Jean? Maybe that’s the case. Maybe that’s the real
reason why I broke up with my first boyfriend. Maybe I really am afraid
that I will love him someday and I will end up hurt and frustrated or
anything if he hurt me or if he fell out of love. Maybe that’s the reason.
There are so many maybes that I
had to write this here and share it with you, people. I am in the middle
of confusion when it comes to my feelings. Not that I really have to
love someone immediately or that I want to love someone that’s why I am
doing this but I want to be familiar with my own feelings. I don’t want
to be a stranger of it.
